The past two days I swear I can feel a little flutter in my tummy. They say you can't really feel the baby until 16 weeks but I'm telling you, every so often, I feel a bump in my tummy. They say second time moms and so on can feel it earlier because you know what it feels like. I swear he's moving and bump'n around in there. :) It's not something you can feel from the outside but I can really feel in on the inside. It makes me smile.
I think it's funny how you are generally right when it comes to us. You are always reminding me that I have you to fall on and you to be my rock. I don't know why it is so hard for me to allow that to happen. I guess it makes me vulnerable and I suck at that. I'm used to those who matter the most eventually taking back their love and the unconditional. I guess I'm just waiting for you to do that. I know that's crazy, but the other night, it was all I could think about. The day you would no longer want me and what that would be like. Where we will be in our lives and so on.. I know that's not fair but it's my biggest fear. I know that's why I push so hard against you and it being just you and I. But I know that's how we are supposed to be. It's supposed to be you leaning against me and me leaning against you. I need you to be the constant in my life. No one else can be. I guess having the baby and thinking about our life makes me see that and allow myself to be content with it. I want us to be happy together, friends or family involved doesn't really matter. I need you with me at the hospital, no one else. I want you by my side during all the late nights and having you to hold me in our bed. I want our life together, always. I'm past the point of caring any more about anyone else. I am so happy we are having a baby together. I am so happy we are starting our life together. How dare I let anyone take that joy from me! Not any more. It's you and me love. As long as you'll have me forever and always, I want you forever and always.
Come home to me soon. I need you in my arms. I love you, Tom. More than you'll ever know but as you always say, I look forward to showing you the rest of our lives. <3
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